Fear and Courage - Note to self!

Oct 2nd, 2022

It’s a lazy Sunday morning. Wet and cold outside, warm and cozy in the bed. On my the third cup of tea, India talks done and day yet to really start. The afterglow of not succumbing to fear yesterday and showing up for the Spartan Ultra, is still there and makes me think. What, if hadn’t shown up? What if I got it in my head that I wasn’t ready to tackle this challenge and stayed in bed instead. Three months ago when I signed up, it looked doable. Not yesterday though! It had grown in size and looked fearsome. I could have stayed in bed. Nobody would really know, nobody but me of course!

Fear of failure is real. It is gut wrenching, nauseating, creates a cold shiver… I know it well, it visits me often. But it is a projection, into the future. Into what has not happened. When a soldier wielding a gun or sword shows up for battle, it is only up-to the point of showing up, that fear has its domain. When the bullets start flying, its all instinct and training that takes over. No room for fear then. Fear has been defeated by then already. 

Nothing prepares us fully for battles of life. Nothing we do ever, no amount of training, can quite make us feel bulletproof, if the goal is worthy. Starting a new business, writing or publishing a book, deciding to test our mettle against a mountain or a big race, extending ourself emotionally to help someone overcome an emotional or life challenge, let alone get into real battle; none of these ever follow a script or a plan to fall back on. They all seem daunting. 

On top of that we always size ourselves short and the challenge big. And many a times we are right and we get kicked brutally in the teeth. That becomes muscle memory towards dealing with next opportunity that comes disguised as a challenge. So fear raises its hand and says, not today, not this one, not now. May be tomorrow.. may be another time. Just not now. And we succumb!

To drown out that muscle memory and step out is courage then, is it not?