Reflections on Geopolitics for the Enlightened Reader

It has been verified by reliable sources in Iranian Revolutionary Guard, most of whom who are lying on the ground, after US invasion, obviously with ear to the ground; that Pakistan under Field Marshal Asim Munir has decisively won the US-Iran conflict. What??

This has dealt  India a huge blow, although no one knows why. Reportedly PM Modi has send Ajit Doval to break the Piggybank of Nitha Ambani’s driver’s daughter to order 150 more SU57, 6th generation planes. The daughter was sleeping. When she found out and was upset, Nita Ambani promised to buy her an aircraft carrier on which she will also sponsor a big wedding. That calmed her down some.

All of India’s existing fighter aircraft, it has been announced by Pakistani media were brought down by Pakistani torpedoes — a rare achievement hailed as pathbreaking by indisputable Pakistani Military spokesperson.

In recognition of the heroism of Pakistanis winning a war they were not involved in, Donald Trump is organizing a grand halal banquet to felicitate Field Marshal Munir, who will soon be elevated to the dual rank of Field and Pitch Marshal, Pakistan clearly needed some help on the pitches in recently held games of T20 world cup. 

Leftover food from the banquet will be shipped to Pakistan as “Imdad” (aid), reinforcing the deep leftovers diplomacy.

Meanwhile, Aljazeera, The Guardian, BBC, and CNN are all unanimously predicting that, as a direct consequence of Pakistan’s overwhelming battlefield and diplomatic triumph, Trump will abandon plans to acquire Greenland and instead take over the Hindukush mountains—primarily as a favor to Pakistan, but also as a return gift for the Imdad(aid), which that was given. No one has ever done Pakistan a favor as big, Trump tweeted.

Indian intellectuals aka Pakistani aficionados are commemorating the Nobel Prize in Chemistry awarded to Shahbaz Sharif for his groundbreaking work in applied boot-polish removal via advanced salivary chemistry.

His research conclusively demonstrated that, when sufficiently warmed, spit can dissolve oil, polish, and—self respect of nations.

In other regional developments, increased mining activity around gold and rare earth reserves has prompted Western nations to float tenders in Pakistan for highly specialized human resources—specifically, human bombs—to assist in mountain excavation.

Western CEOs have expressed deep admiration for this innovation, particularly the zero-compensation model, which significantly improves EBITDA margins.

Operational efficiency is equally impressive: the mere detection of seventy two holes on mountain side is reportedly sufficient to trigger precision geological restructuring across vast terrains.

Pakistani grooming and rape gangs in UK have protested this strategy. They have deep convictions that 72 Virgin reference should not be interpreted as a license to die but rather as invitation to UK. They have a proven model around that kind of thing, their spokesperson said. 

To ensure workforce motivation, a posthumous jihadi medal valued at approximately $10 (or an inspiring 750,000 Pakistani rupees after conversion), is awarded publicly Within Pakistan’s elite military and intellectual circles, this initiative is being hailed as a divine macroeconomic intervention—one that could render the country deficit-neutral overnight, thanks largely to the large population of Sindh.

Promising candidates are being identified by the Punjab-dominated establishment and encouraged to perform just one more favor for the fatherland. The guarantee of being immediately and permanently liberated from poverty has proven especially attractive, with many young recruits expressing enthusiasm at the opportunity to exit the economy altogether.

Afganistan is now ready to provide the Bagram Airbase to US in a quid pro quo, if Western powers open these tenders for Afgans also.