The Noise

 Something from when kids were very little:

So finally the day came. I know it was going to happen some day but it happened sooner than I thought it would. It was also not at my choice of time or place.

To my defense though I was kind of compelled into it by my ego. I also had to protect my kids from a life spent with their head down in shame having to explain or justify to people their imperfect childhood. 

So what instigated it was Devin who in the process of getting ready for bed was trying desperately to make "The noise". You would surely know the one that I am talking about..."The noise" where it sounds like a fart but it is produced by skillfully placing the palm of one hand in the armpit of the other and pressing the other hand down in quick motions, repeatedly. He could have got it right on his own except he was placing his hand outside the armpit that is supposed to produce the desired sound. He was trying really hard and I could not see his ego and self image get destroyed by a failure to make it happen. Aside from a strong desire it does a require a complex set of movements timed to perfection, as you would agree.  He is quite well coordinated and is already a star (mostly in his own mind and in his parents eyes on the T-Ball field). So I had to step in. I took off my t-shirt slowly at first and threw it across the bedroom floor...(benefits of wifey being away...yeehaw). The kids couldn't believe what they were seeing. Maya even asked if I was cold...but I was merely warming up. Devin followed suit, but it took him much longer to take his t-shirt off because he was so freaking excited he could not stop jumping for a moment. He finally got it off and Maya followed suit like an excited puppy dog not knowing what the excitement was all about. She ran to the opposite side of the room and then cam right back. She also took her pants off for good measure. She does look cute in her underwear with her little tummy sticking out as only a toddlers does. I was kind of getting distracted, having to decide whether to tickle her first. But since both of them were already giggling like crazy and gleefully excited and screaming I brought my attention back to the task at hand.  And I put my right arm under...well, I thought about which one to do it with since Devin is a lefty you know..I did not want to mess it up for him. Then I said to myself fuck it... and used my right palm under my left armpit to produce a repeated succession of juicy sounding fart noises and I was a hero...Devin caught on immediately but Maya was having too much fun hearing the fun sound generated by Devin's armpit to focus on her own production. She also kept changing her hands too quickly...while laughing and jumping simultaneously and we had a delightful cacophony of inspired music (to our ears) till we didn't.

Now thats what I am talking about!